I hope you think of me when she is pressing her lips against yours for the first time. I hope it brings you back to the time when I was in her position and you had yet to become familiar with how it feels to be loved by someone who you can actually touch and get away with the feeling after.
I hope you think of me when you take her to your favorite places for the first time. When you tell her about your childhood memories of being too young to know that it would end faster than you thought. When you look at her after telling her about your embarrassing adolescence, I hope you think of me and how I only listened, while she is just waiting to talk and to top anything that has happened to you.
When you bring her home to meet your parents, I hope you think about the first time your mother and I bonded over Beatle records and red wine when she tells your mother that she’s never heard of the Beatles, and that red wine gives her a headache. I hope you think of me when you see the disconnect in your mothers eyes from future thoughts of how it’s going to be harder than she thought to replace me in her heart with this new woman who doesn’t understand how to share others interests who have been through it all.
When you make love to her for the first time, I hope you think of me. I hope you see my skin inside of her curves, and I hope you hear me moaning your name while she is silently waiting for it to be over so she can go home and call her friends to tell them about the way you pant like a dog when all you want is to be told that you look beautiful at your most vulnerable.
I hope you think of me when you think of her because I want you to feel how I felt when you ended things too quickly between us because you thought that I deserved more, when really, what I deserved was your dedication and ideas of forever. I hope you think of me while your at the end of your bed, face in your hands, explaining to her why you can’t attach yourself to people, and that it’s not her but it’s you. It’s always been you, and no amount of new lovers will ever be able to change that trait about yourself. I loved you even when you didn’t know what being loved meant, and I will still love you when she tells you that she never loved you to begin with.